| day in day out |
[24 Apr 2003|06:27pm] |
It's been a while since I wrote. Computer's crashed.
Today I assisted on a circumsion. The baby peeed everywhere. It happens. Highlight of my day.
I feel like I'm searching for something in my life.
I have no idea what it could be.
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| him |
[23 Feb 2003|04:09am] |
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When I was sick he would softly stroke my hair and whisper I'm sorry you aren't feeling wells . When I was tired he would make dinner or drag me to the bath. Help me comb out my mess of curls. When I was sad he would kiss me or make love to me. When I was on edge he would calm me down. talk to me for hours in to the night about silly nothings. When I was too busy with work he would leave sweet voice mail messages in my inbox at work. when i didn't know how to do something he would (attempt) to teach me how. When I didn't know how I was feeling, he'd just hold me and rock me - for hours if that's what it took. When I was very sick or very pregnant he would sleep at my feet to make sure I was ok. When he noticed I gained weight he'd suggest we go for a long romantic walk- every night for 45 minutes. Not ever saying a word about the love handles. when i thought of running away from it all, he'd pack my bag and look at me with puppy dog eyes. of course I'd stay. when i had fever he'd cram tylenol down my throat along with fluids and cool me down with a cool rag. we'd cuddle up on the couch under blankets and watch movies commenting to each other about whatever. he's smell of sports deodorant, aftershave and minty listerine- with a hint of cherry (hair conditioner. ) he called me baby and kissed me on my forehead. his arms were strong and we felt solid.
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| heavy sigh |
[23 Feb 2003|03:53am] |
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so i was having the most wonderful vivid dream. all was good. then he comes stumbling to bed at 3:30 am wanted to know if I really want that side of the bed. Wakes me up after 7 hours on the computer. I am a little miffed. At 11 i asked if he'd help with mind numbing domestic chores. He said he had to go to work tomorrow and it'd take to long. I went back to bed. This means I will have to do laundry by my lonesome, this is a pain in my ass because the washer broke down. This means if he went to bed at 330 i will be expected to watch the wild child all day. this means that after working 112 hour payperiod I still don't have enough money for my happy pills and have to stop my antideprresant cold turkey causing more problems. So, honey if you are reading this don't even T H I N K about asking me to front you some cash for smokes. If I don't get my pills and I have to deal with the moods, you can deal with the nicotine withdrawl. My antidepressant made me calm and easy to live with. By nature I am a bitch. THe drug will be out of my system soon. I will make chore lists and finacial responsibility lists. I will be a stickler. Speaking of sticklers-
QUIT smoking the the apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and in the car when the baby is in the car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am tired of listening to her cough.
oh well. back to how things were before. (sigh)
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| Racism and other work hazords |
[25 Jan 2003|11:38am] |
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aggravated |
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music |
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Rape me nirvanna |
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So the really cool job I had for the last 6 months fired my white ass. I hadn't been writing in my journal because one of the boss' wives was thinking about ryan doing her artsy fartsy website so she looked at his site and I didn't want her reading my journal.
So the bitch LVN didn't like me because I didn't laugh at her black man jokes or agree that all 'orientals' are pushy. I also refused to join in on the bashing of Muslims, Christians, Mexicans, Jews, Blacks, oh and those orientals and middle easterners.
Also I threw a fit when she left a few needles laying around. Osha got called. People where angry.
Moral of the story- be a racist that leaves dirty needles laying arouond in patient care areas if you want to keep your job, also treat patients like shit. Follow this LVN's smart career move by yelling at cancer patients and giving them a hard time.
I am not a nurse. I am not dumb.
I am a medical assistant.
I have a great job now. Screw the cancer patient hating LVN bitch.
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| Head |
[25 Jan 2003|10:36am] |
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I had a bad night last nifht.
I screamed at least 4 times. I do not know if I woke my neighbors.
I dreamed about a teenage girl that was to marry. Her little sister was about 9 or 10. Three dead bodies had turned up in their yard the last three nights. All females. The parents were talking to a detective. The boyfriend was over.
Raid at a house. Blood everywhere. Bodyparts. An old lady there. THe boyfriends mother. The cops are taking her. The wall in the living room is brick. The 10 year old child peals away the wallpaper to find dead girls stacked in glass boxes from floor to ceiling. Decaying dead teenage girls. each have butterflies in the glass cases. Crime unit notices fresh seedlings planted in huge garden/yard on property. digging up seedlings they discover more body parts.
flash of crazy mother and boyfriend planting seedlings then digging up seedlings- she is scolding him for being so stupid.
back at the house. Bagging up deadbodies. the whole yard is grass or seedlings. this is mushy under foot. assuming that the butterflies,dead girls, and seedlings are connected in the killers mind it is assumed that only teen girls were killed.
I step on a venus fly trap. new species of plant. horror grips my heart. i scream. more dead bodies in the house. can't find them. not sure what to look for. the detective is on the pouch and notices a pond with huge fish baricoua and piranah like. they are still and as he comes closer the fish get excited. the old lady is watching. there is a struggle with the cops and these strange fish. a cop is bit-- all turned to stone figures. horror captured on the cops' faces forever. the old lady laughs as she is put in the cop car. New police arrive on the scene- not knowing what just happened to their counterparts.
The teenage girls house with her parents again. The parents do not want her to get married. they want her to return the ring. she is crying, telling them that her boyfriend's mother is crazy, not her boyfriend.
I hear voices on the sidewalk and i think someone is getting in the house. I scream.
the teenage girl is me. I am running from him. I found out his secret. I am next. everywhere i turn he is there. no one believes me he has convinced my neighborhood i am crazy. i am running in the street and I can not get away. he has more bodies stacked somewhere. no cops to be found. i am trying to flag down cars no one will stop. i am screaming.
on the edge of town i flag down an old car. a baby is in the back and young father in the front. they are poor. i tell the man if he just drives i will give him money, anything he wants. he just wants me to take care of his baby. NO problem. I tell the young father "see that guy" get me away from him. after driving like crazy- the father suggests we go to the police i tell him to dropp me off at a police station and i will be safe. The driver is driving like mad. I am hunched down under the baby's blanket. He sees an unmarked police car and is going to pull over. I tell him NO! it has to be a trick- that was to easy and the killer knows what I am about to do.
The driver whips arouond and goes flying down the street and eventually finds a police station.
I am in a room with my family. there are these little beanie baby things. they each have a drop of blood in them. we have caught a virus and my mother will not let us leave the room for fear of germs. my baby is so tired. I am crying. there is no cure and we do not know if we are contagious.
there is a little boy in a closet with these blood beanie baby toys. he is telling his sister he is infected but he has figured out a cure. he begs her not to tell. she promises him but tells anyway. his parents take him away.
the killer is on the street. body parts under his raincoat. he is not done.
I am at home. the killer is taking a bath and begging me not to call the cops. i am trying to keep my mom and my sister from finding out he is in the house. I tell him he has ten minutes. he left his boots in the living room. he tells me he loves me. I have found a .38- I tell him he has until 10 to get out of the tub. he laughs. The gun is tucked in the back of my pants. I tell him 1, 2, BOOM.
My mother is angry for me lying to her. my sister asks if she can have the ring.
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| today |
[11 Aug 2002|07:46pm] |
Today I dug two types of crackers out of the VCR.
Ritz and saltines.
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| hush a by |
[03 Aug 2002|11:07pm] |
it is 11pm and that baby still won't sleep.
if i was at home she would. but i'm at my mom's and she won't.
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| new life |
[01 Aug 2002|09:22pm] |
I am pretty happy I started a new job on the 8th.
it rocks. I am not longer hitting my head against the wall for fun.
Today I saw a ruptured eardrum. That beats gallbladders and hemorroids day in day out. (used to work for general surgery) Yesterday we had 5 head injuries. 4 were law enforcement workers. (grin) they were training and knocked themselves out boxing and then that afternoon i had a more important lawman come in that was assaulted in the HEAD.
Don't know about you guys but I think the word "DUCK" should be put to use here.
The eardrum today was also another lawenforcement guy- hit in the ear 4 times while boxing/training today. If I got hit in the ear once, I'd be so pissed i'd pull a mike tyson. and then we had another head injury. so that's 2. wow. what a bunch of silly men.
I am learning so much here at this new job. It's so cool. I'm doing EKG's and i am just so darn happy. HAHA take that old boss people that tried to stick me infornt of a stupid computer all day so i'd have no patient contact. HA HAHAHAHAH!!!!
money troubles are still bad. but hopefully my hubby will get a new job soon. (fingers crossed)
see ya guys.
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| more cheese please |
[16 Jun 2002|10:33pm] |
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dorky |
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music |
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Turtle Blues Janis Joplin |
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Sure fire ways to end a relationship
Leave checkbook in unlocked car over night
Promise to pay phone bill
Then don't pay phone bill
Promise to pay light bill
Then don't pay light bill
Swear you will never bring up your ex
Say name of Ex while having sex
Quit taking baths
Get a joint checking account and then don't post the checks you
wrote in the register
Don't put oil or any other fluid in the car. (include gas, depending on your mood)
Make fun of your lover's religion
Throw all incoming and outgoing mail in trash and then tell your lover the mail must be slow.
Don't change your underwear for a week. (ok that is really gross so maybe just SAY you haven't changed your undies in a week)
After your lover has worried about you for days and urges you to go to the doctor, promise you will go and then go drinking instead
Tell your lover that you bet his/her best friend is wild in the sack
Drool over any height/weight proportioned ass walking down the street. Then suggest the two of you go eat salads- then say " You are looking a little thick, honey"
Promise to marry her and then run off with someone else
* ok this will get you killed by either her or her dad* -more of a suicide attempt
Don't enroll in school, get a job, or change anything about you. Shoot down any attempts your lover makes at anything - if it be making dinner together, romantic walk, talking or sex. let your answer be "Gee that sounds dumb" or something along that line.
Whenever your lover asks you to do something like a household chore, answer "Yes in accordance to the prophecy"
Ladies: grow out your armpit hair. (if your man likes those unshaved pits, then shave them, *duh*)
When your lover is doing the dishes or laundry say "OH it's ok I'll do that for you" and then don't do it.
Refuse to buy groceries and then complain that there is no food in the house. -You don't want to buy groceries because it's a waste of time and money, but then whine that you are hungry 8 hours later. (secretly eat at taco bell)
Before your lover takes a bath hid all the towels
When your lover goes to take a bath or shower decide to open all the windows to 'let the sun in' and turn the a/c up to the 'really f*cking cold setting"
don't ever flush toilet (gross!!!!)
don't ever say I love you or write love letters/email
have no respect for her/him or the things your 'loved one' owns
Never give a straight answer
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore your lover.
Be reckless
Don't think before you speak
Don't look before you leap
Crash the computer,loose files
Make your lover late for work.
Make it impossible for your lover to pay bills or live a normal life
Do lots of stupid shit so that your lover can not function.
Interrupt sleep schedule
Suggest your lover buy new rugs for the home and then two days later bring home a puppy that isn't housebroken. Also leave lover's favorite shoes out for puppy to chew.
yell at the car, toaster, oven, washer, dryer, computer, cats, dogs, a/c, tv, dishwasher
Hit walls and yell a lot.
Ok. If you are going to do all the above, then that is just sad. If you are doing these things and you are still IN a relationship someone loves you.
If you want to keep a relationship, do the opposite of the above.
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| JIM |
[15 Jun 2002|05:30pm] |
I usually don't post personal things that happen to me. Maybe I will start. Today I went to the gym with my daughter (baby) and my friend, Teresa. Teresa has a little boy that is a cute boy, but a sometimes wild boy. I pack up myself and my offspring and got into the van. Teresa was trying to get her son in the car and he would not buckle up. Teresa then tears a branch off the tree outside my apartments and just threatens him with it. Her son still will not buckle up. Then I hear' Quick give me your shoe!" I thought maybe there was a bug or something and handed her my tennis shoe. Teresa then began to spank her son with M Y S H O E!!!!. Her son then buckled up and Teresa gave me my shoe back. My daughter just looked in amazement at what happened and did not make a single peep for the next 20 or so minutes.
Don't call CPS yet.
Now before anyone gets a weird on me. Her son was not hurt. There were no bruises and I think she was trying to make him be more embarrassed than to hurt him. She was not hitting him hard at all, but the point is :
She spanked her boy with MY SHOE. which is odd yet kinda funny.
I have heard of people (myself included) of being spanked with a belt, fly swatter, or a hair brush or a branch. Or maybe a spoon or a spatula. Such odd things in general adults discipline their kids with.
So when we dropped the kids off at daycare how could there have been a wonder that Teresa's son decided to hit,kick,bite,pinch and magic marker the other children? (My daughter NOT included. This child thinks I am the witch from Hansel and Gretel and I will eat him if he harms my child) Well no. it was not a wonder that this happened. It's a cycle. THe boy misbehaves and the mother hits him with a shoe or whatever is soft but yet makes her point and the boy misbehaves some more. This is how my day went.
ALso I will never drop off my baby girl at that gym's daycare again! They didn't give her her sippy cup! I walked in there any hour after I had been there to check baby's diaper and I gave her the sippy cup THAT WAS FULL and she was so thirsty she couldn't stand it and then I gave her juice after she drank the water and she drank all that and I gave her yet another juice. I told the lady that this was not cool and babies do need fluid to keep them hydrated. I stayed for another 45 minutes and then we left.
DUMB ASS
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| perfect world |
[04 Jun 2002|09:28pm] |
Taco Bell and Baskin Robins should merge. It would be perfect. Cheap tacos and ice cream -sundae's AT THE SAME PLACE? YUMMY. It should be if you walk in taco bell is on one side and the ice cream on the other. You could get a crunchy taco combo for 4 bucks and then get a sundae for about 2 or 3 bucks. YUMMY. and you'd save on gas.
Oh the fast food yin and yang. And Taco Bell could finally stop making those yuck chocotacos. If taco bell sold fries that would be the best of both worlds. I mean jack in the box sells (crappy) tacos. But it is the only place in town you can get Tacos AND fries. Taco Bell SHould attack and sell fries. And Wendy's should sell Tacos, not just taco salads. ANd Pizza hut should deliver subs!!!!!!!! It's not that hard. Subs are great and I doubt subway will ever deliver so Pizza hut should just sell subs. THey already have screwed up the pizza with all the weirdo crusts, lets see what they can do to an italian sub
7-11 did good with the new soda machines. Vanilla Dr. Peppers. Or cherry Dr. Peppers or Lemon Dr. Peppers. but those new ta quito things look scary bad.
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| foul |
[03 Jun 2002|06:17am] |
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I just woke up in a bad mood. 5am. BAD MOOD. I want to just beat the crap out of everyone. I want to scream I want to kick. I want to throw things out the window at the train outside my door. I want to run like hell. Then I just want to cry. I want to write hate mail. I want to puke. BAD MOOD.
I just want someone to hold me and lie to me and tell me everything is ok. i want to pull all my hair out in frustration and I don't even know why. I want to shake the hell out of someone- again and again. I want to hide under my covers. I want to send nude pictures of my boss to Playboy.
S N A P
dear god. I've come undone.
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| I will tell my self |
[24 May 2002|11:06pm] |
HOW to cope with a difficult work environment
1. I will not bring to my boss' attention any mistakes he/she is going to make, even if they are life threatening or damaging to his/her reputation.
REASON: I will only get yelled at and this will not further my career.
2. I will not tell my boss if he/she has a huge green booger hanging from his/her nose.
REASON: not my problem
3. When my boss talks rude to me or demands I do a task- a drop everything right now kind of task, I will ask him/her if he/she wants fries with that
Reason: I f*cking can
4. I will do what is in my job description. If I have not been given a job description, I will just look busy until my boss gives me a job description. I don't have a job description.
5. I will not give any useful information up to help my boss solve any problems.
REASON: SHE went to business school.
6. IF my boss talks to her/his self, I will answer.
Reason: I'm not sure if he/she is talking to me/he/she.
7. I will sign my boss up to every non profit organization I can think of, singles group or anything else I can think of that will cause a telemarketer to call.
Reason: when my boss gets lots of phone calls it makes him/her feel special
8. i will not bad mouth my boss
Reason: it could be traced back to me
9. I will make coffee everyday for my boss. I will alternate decaf and real coffee every other day.
Reason: it's fun
10. I will look my boss in the eye everytime I speak to him/her
Reason: where else would I look?
11. I will fax my resume'at my lunch break to every place I can think of
Reason: this job blows
12. I just may hide my boss' favorite ink pen
Reason: my life must have some pleasure
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| sanctuary |
[22 May 2002|10:32pm] |
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Things you should not do to your wife or girlfriend and her living quarters
1. Bring dead things into the house. This includes but is not limited to:
snakes
small animals
large animals
snakes
bones of above items.
Reason: jeffery dahmer and other serial killers played with dead animals. (if you bring dead things into the house don't expect to 'get in on' anytime soon)
2. porn
reason: unless you have permission- it's rude. it (porn) may be a total guy thing, but don't get caught. it may be your 'right' but don't be an ass about it if you do get caught, expect a very long 'talk about it and her feelings' advice: just shut up and listen, anything you have to say will just make the situation worse unless you say that you love her or you are sorry. (and if you aren't sincere about it, she'll know)
3. other women
reason: doesn't matter if it's your mother or your mistress *duh* too much estrogen is a BAD thing
4. other men
reason: you don't know if your buddy Joe,who is just staying for a week until he gets on his feet, looks good in a thong. you may think it's gross, your wife may like it that Joe is wearing her thong.
5.drugs
reason: unless you have permission it's rude and could get her in trouble if you leave your paraphernalia laying around.
6. tacky things such as but not limited to
dead things even if they are "mounted" on something or the bones have been bleached.
reason: unless you have permission, -- eww!
7. tell her she is fat or skinny
reason: she damn well knows her weight.
8. mention your old girlfriends
reason: it hurts
9. tell you wife or girl that you will or will not do something and then do the opposite of what you promise.
reason: that action messes with the trust thing and the trust thing messes with the bedroom thing.
10. mess the living quarters up by leaving trash, dirty clothes, etc around
reason: the less time spent on house work, the more time in the bedroom.
think about it, if she's not busy straightening up the house, she can get busy with you. Also, at least in my experience, I can't concentrate on my 'wife duty' if the house is stinky and a wreck. moral: help her with the house and get it on later. :)
11. Tell her she's dumb
reason: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (and also she may spit in your food when you aren't looking. I would)
12.act like you know what she's talking about when you have no clue
reason: it makes you look dumb and makes you the butt of jokes (possibly behind your back)
13. smak food or eat like a pig, or using no manners
reason: who wants to sleep with that kinda man??? a crack whore?
14. toe sex
reason: umm I just can't talk about toe sex.....
15. borrowing her underwear
reason: unless you have permission, you really shouldn't use things that aren't yours.
also, it may be too kinky for her to handle.
I'm sure there are other things. but here's just a start.
If this post didn't make you smile at least once, double up on your medication
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| illusions |
[20 May 2002|10:47pm] |
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I felt like i was in a horrible nightmare at work today. I don't think it is illegal to tell you about my day as long as I don't use names or vivid descriptions of people involved. I met a woman today that told me the most horrific things.I simply asked her what she did for a living- after getting a medical history. She worked as a customs agent on the border. She said the worst thing she ever saw was a baby cadaver stuffed full of drugs. From her account the drug dog sniffed the car trunk and went wild. The passengers of the car said that the baby had died in Mexico and that they were going to transport the body to the United States for burial. I asked her how she kept her temper and did not beat the crap out of these people, she said that she called for her supervisor. I just picture this baby body with a calm serene look of peace on it's face with a Y incision from a autopsy, insides replaced with cocaine.
RAGE.
nothing absolutely nothing is sacred on this earth.
heaven is not overflowing.
that's all i can do now.
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| bats! |
[19 May 2002|07:00pm] |
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It is that time of year again.
All the news stations are telling you:
DON'T TOUCH THE BATS
I find it funny that the news feels it important to tell their viewers not to touch bats.
I have never heard rebel teenagers plotting to go downtown to play with bats. Maybe this is a new extreme sport. So in case you missed it. Channel 7 anchor women do not want you to touch bats. I feel I should list other things That should not be touched in austin:
Things You Should Not Touch in Austin:
1. Bats
2. Dogs that are foaming at the mouth
3. Crack heads ( You shouldn't even touch them with a stick)
4. Sidewalk spit
5. It is not advised that you lick the bus seats on METRO
6. Bouncers on 6th street
7. It is not advised that you touch a police officer
8. dirty needles as seen on 6th street
9. Gutter punks. ( Though it may be tempting, if you touch these guys with a stick, they (gutter punks) may take the stick away from you and beat the crap out of you with it)
10. Dreaded hair
11. Prostitutes (it may be tempting to just lay one finger on them but if they charge for it-- well)
12. Cowboys (women may be able to get away with touching a cowboy, but I think as a general rule, Cowboys don't like men to touch them)
13. Leslie
14. Old lady butt. (it's just disrespectful)
15. bees
16 snakes with rattles on the end of them
17. large angry men
18. children that don't belong to/with you
19. possums
20. raccoons,
21. dirty needles found anywhere
22. vomit on 6th street (or anywhere else)
This is what happens if the doctor thinks you have been playing with a bat:
The doctor orders you to have a shot.
The first time you come in you get a very large (18g) needle stuck in your bum. Then after about 60 seconds you get another needle of the same size stuck in you on the other side. The injections are usually fresh out of the fridge and not at room temperature. So this is an extra bonus for both you and the nurse. Then you have to come back and see the nurse for one shot everyday until the doctor says no more. The nurse will alternate butt checks. How do I know this? I am that nurse.
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| 4am |
[19 May 2002|01:24am] |
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I dreamed I had insomnia.
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momentofclarity's journal